A Rough One

I don’t get it when parent say, “Raising children can be challenging.” A game of Minesweeper is challenging. It would be more accurate to say that parenting can be wear-and-tear on the soul.

Rachelle had kickboxing tonight. If you remember, the last time Rachelle went to kickboxing class Layla handed me a log of dog poop. Although there was no passing of animal feces tonight, it was “challenging” to all of you under-staters out there.

It started out nice. I pulled my car into the driveway and could hear a gnomish voice inside the house, “Daddy!” I grabbed my bag and coffee cup like a father from the 40’s and rushed in to greet my family. Layla wanted to play outside so I put her shoes on and we played with a ball on the lawn.

After 10 minutes, I was sitting with Cecelia on the step while Layla kicked the ball around. Suddenly, she started wandering to the street, then running like a fugitive. I called her name but she ignored me. I had to sprint across the lawn, carrying Cecelia like a football, and caught Layla just as she put her foot in the street.

“NEVER, ever go in the street,” I stated firmly when I got into the house.

“Okaaaay,” she said.

The remainder of the night was just a collection of horrible moments, which included her feeding the dog about a half-pound of shrimp from her plate.

“Layla, if they start yacking all over the place, I swear to god…”

“Okaaay”

The only time she laughed or became pleasant is when she head-butted me in the side of the skull like an MMA fighter. Apparently that was hysterical.

But then tomorrow, upon waking, she’ll call my name, look at me with those tired/puppy eyes, give me a big hug, and it’ll be like tonight never happened.

Parenting is not just “challenging”. Parenting is like being a victim in an abusive spousal relationship. One minute you’re getting kicked and head-butted in the face, the next minute they do something to make you love them more than you thought you ever could. I’m sure she does these things because she loves me too. She really doesn’t mean it. Oh, this bruise? I, uh, fell down the stairs.