I don’t get it when parent say, “Raising children can be challenging.” A game of Minesweeper is challenging. It would be more accurate to say that parenting can be wear-and-tear on the soul.
Rachelle had kickboxing tonight. If you remember, the last time Rachelle went to kickboxing class Layla handed me a log of dog poop. Although there was no passing of animal feces tonight, it was “challenging” to all of you under-staters out there.
It started out nice. I pulled my car into the driveway and could hear a gnomish voice inside the house, “Daddy!” I grabbed my bag and coffee cup like a father from the 40’s and rushed in to greet my family. Layla wanted to play outside so I put her shoes on and we played with a ball on the lawn.
After 10 minutes, I was sitting with Cecelia on the step while Layla kicked the ball around. Suddenly, she started wandering to the street, then running like a fugitive. I called her name but she ignored me. I had to sprint across the lawn, carrying Cecelia like a football, and caught Layla just as she put her foot in the street.
“NEVER, ever go in the street,” I stated firmly when I got into the house.
“Okaaaay,” she said.
The remainder of the night was just a collection of horrible moments, which included her feeding the dog about a half-pound of shrimp from her plate.
“Layla, if they start yacking all over the place, I swear to god…”
“Okaaay”
The only time she laughed or became pleasant is when she head-butted me in the side of the skull like an MMA fighter. Apparently that was hysterical.
But then tomorrow, upon waking, she’ll call my name, look at me with those tired/puppy eyes, give me a big hug, and it’ll be like tonight never happened.
Parenting is not just “challenging”. Parenting is like being a victim in an abusive spousal relationship. One minute you’re getting kicked and head-butted in the face, the next minute they do something to make you love them more than you thought you ever could. I’m sure she does these things because she loves me too. She really doesn’t mean it. Oh, this bruise? I, uh, fell down the stairs.
On Friday, Rachelle and I noticed that part of Cece’s bottom gums had turned white. Normally this means a tooth is on the way, but when Layla first showed the white bump it took another five months for the tooth to pop through. Well, today my mom sent me a text message stating that the tooth popped through today.
If you listen closely, you can hear the fearful screams of my wife’s nipples.
My father-in-law has a crevice in his chin. Yesterday, Layla got right up in his face, stared at him for a few seconds and said, “Mommy has that. It’s a cookie,” while pointing at his chin. It’s not everyday that you hear a toddler tell a man that his face looks like a vagina.
This afternoon we took Layla to a potential option for a preschool to meet with the nanny/teacher and the children. The teacher, “Miss Jen”, wanted to see how Layla would get along with everyone, and she wanted to give us a full walk-through of the facility and how a typical day unfolds.
The facility is, in actuality, just part of her house that was converted into a classroom. It’s equipped with an indoor playhouse, a ‘crafts table’, a story-telling area, an imagination center complete with costumes to dress up and pretend, a computer station, and a quiet area…I guess in case a student feels inclined to perform yoga or meditate in solitude. I was very impressed.
Upon first entering the classroom for the first time, Layla seemed a bit overwhelmed. The seven students crowded around for a second to introduce themselves, then went on their way to build with blocks or play pretend.
“Ok, this is it. How is she going to be,” I thought.
She picked up a toy camera off of the floor and inspected it. A fellow two-year old student waddled over to her. They inspected one another for three seconds and Layla finally broke the silence. “This is mine.”
Hell of a first impression, Layla.
After a few minutes, she began to take notice of how the other children were behaving and it seemed as though she adjusted her behavior to mirror them. She got along with everyone fairly well, despite the fact that most kids were 1-3 years older than she, although it would take significant work for her to finally get to a point to where she’s completely comfortable and consistently interacting appropriately in a group setting.
We were finishing up with the teacher, and standing next to a five year old boy who was building an impressive castle out of wooden blocks. “Look, Miss Jen,” he exclaimed proudly. Just then, Layla marched over and I know what was coming next. She crouched down and, with one swipe of a paw, she decimated the poor kid’s creation.
I gave my brother my Flip camera, and asked him to send me some pictures with his phone. Here’s the first picture he sent: Layla enjoying a balanced breakfast of cotton candy.
My brother is getting married on Saturday, and since he and his fiance don’t have enough to worry about, they’ve decided to take Layla to her first live show: Elmo’s Green Thumb.
I’m grateful that they’re taking her and wish I could be there to see her reaction. The afternoon will either be hilarious and exciting, [...]
Here’s a quick summary of what’s been happening lately.
On Sunday, we bought Layla an Elmo potty from K-Mart. As soon as we got home she started asking for her potty. I thought it was just because it was Elmo, but after setting it up, she took off her diaper and pee’d in the potty for [...]
I was home with the kids last night while Rachelle was at her exercise class. We were playing in the basement. The lights are on a dimmer and were set very low.
Layla and I were playing with a toy that has holes and shaped blocks that fit into them. She remembered that she left some [...]
Last night Cecelia woke up crying at 1:00 am; then 1:45 am, then 2:30 am, then 2:37 am, then 3:30 am…you get the idea. She’s been coughing like a bear, and I’ve noticed that she’s been tugging on her ear like she’s signaling a base-runner to steal third. Today, Nanny Steph informed us that she [...]
